Lethe

Next time, it will be different. Next time, things will change. Next time, I won’t be a pushover. Next time, no opportunities will be wasted. Next time, I won’t care anymore. Maybe next time, you won’t see me anymore.

Catching up…

Well, I’m kinda enjoying work and I’ve been doing a lot of OTs this past week. My teammates were asking me if I do sleep because I go there 3 to 4 hours before my scheduled shift. In my defense, I’m not doing anything at our apartment and instead of wasting my time and doing nothing, I’d rather go to work and learn and earn extra money at the same time. It’s like shooting two birds with one stone, so to speak. 

Met a lot of very interesting people there. At first, I was really hesitant to make friends because it might deviate me from my original goal which is to earn lots of money and be on top as fast as I can. We drank, we traveled then drank somewhere, ate a “highly recommended” shawarma stand which I think is so-so but I’m ready to go again there some other time. I’ve seen them argue with each other, argue about a guy, be sad about someone getting kicked out and happy of getting their first pay and stuff that I’ve forgotten already. The experience itself makes me ecstatic because for me its a new experience and at the same time, learn from what they are doing and experiencing with their own lives.

And I’ve gotta say, sometimes, I can offer really a really good advice. Yesterday, me and a co-worker went to Starbucks and hanged out for a while. I went there early because I’ll get my MC and go to work and have an OT, but my co-worker asked me to hang out and talk about things and I am more than happy not to decline. We talked about a lot of stuff, and eventually giving some pep-talk and the like. My co-worker thanked me and for me I felt satisfied and went to work in a light spirit. 

Damn, that felt really good. 

After 2 weeks in training, I am still not comfortable with my workmates. I dunno. I really don’t feel like talking to them. Although one of them was kind enough to ask me to join them in the cafeteria (not pantry) because she noticed that I was not joining them during breaks. That happened around Monday or Tuesday, I think.

My first week there was kinda dull. First, I can’t buy anything because I want to save money so during my first week of training, whenever we had our breaks, I just walked around the vicinity looking at the stores that I’ll gonna visit in the future then I go back to the room and go to yahoo or do some typing stuff. Somehow, I’ve managed to go through the whole training without drinking or eating something. I have mentos that’s it. 

My second week was kinda getting interesting. I’ve mentioned earlier that I was invited by my training mate to go with them in the cafeteria, and I did. Since that day, I was with them during breaks and lunch. Some of them are really funny and some of them are quite annoying really but I don’t care. The same training mate was trying to make me say anything but I can’t say anything or perhaps I don’t wanna say anything. 

The trainers on the other hand were cool. Our grammar trainer looks like Leslie WInkle and she has a really good accent and not to mention Vulcan hearing lol. She’s really particular about what we say and does her best to correct us. I take her comments positively because I know I’m still not that good which is very contradictory to what I perceive myself when in comes to English. Oh well…

The other trainer’s really pretty… she has long hair, really tall and very light and I like her personality. 

I’ve been doing my best whenever I’m in my training. I don’t want to fail this time. I don’t wanna tell my friends that, “hey I was fired because of this or that…” I wanna show them that I’m really good too because I sometimes I feel they see me differently which in turn makes me question my own capabilities (which happens most of the time). I’m trying to be optimistic in this pessimistic environment. 

I’ll come up with something before this week ends, I think. Sooo many things to “share”.

silkandsteel:

“Panaginip kang lumulutang

hindi mahagip kahit sundan

sinta bakit ako iniwanan

para sa ligalig ng bayan?

Sumulong na sintang katapatan

abot tanaw na lamang ang masdan

ang kay layo at lugmok na bayan

ang anino mong mag-isa sa larangan

Pinagbigkis kang ligaya at lupit

‘sang libong langit sa isang saglit

‘sang libong sakit

sa bawat halik

Pinagbigkis kang ligaya at lupit

Pinagbigkis kang ligaya’t lupit…”

NAHANAP DIN KITA SA WAKAS!!! 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q65SLH7y_2g :: Ross Negrillo

http://youtu.be/8F2fHEke03o?t=4m46s :: DamnControl2

Near Death or Near Nirvana Experience?

Just recently I’ve experienced one of the most coolest if not dangerous thing in my life. This was last January 9. What happened was I was riding at the back of a tricycle and after some time another vehicle hit us and hit another tricycle that was staying at the other side of the lane. It happened really fast, I hardly noticed anything up until we had the collision and there were shards of glass everywhere. The driver of the tricycle was bleeding all over his face. The driver of the other vehicle was really nervous while calling someone in his mobile phone explaining that something happened. One of the passenger that was inside the tricycle was kinda injured. His leg got stuck on the other tricycle when the accident happened so it left a wound above his ankle. Fortunately and unfortunately nothing happened to me. During the whole incident I was holding the something in the tricycle. I tried to give my tissue and alcohol to the bleeding driver but he didn’t noticed me. I was thinking of staying there until the authorities to arrive to see what will happen next and also if there was a slim chance I can get any monetary damage from the incident which I will tell in my defense was a very traumatic experience but I am going to play at Minesky Infinity so I decided to leave. Also I need to point out that there were a lot of “ususero” there. Lol. 

Another tricycle driver offered to give us a ride and he told me and the other passenger that apparently what happened was the vehicle’s door suddenly opened and hit our tricycle. He added that the door hit the glass part of the tricycle that covers the tricycle driver and if it was not there it could have been worse. So we were still lucky. Indeed.

So what is the sense of this post? Well, I think if I died during that accident I wouldn’t be writing this but at the same time it will be some kind of Nirvana because I will be finally free of any problems and obtain eternal peace if I didn’t turn out to be a vengeful spirit and haunt whoever caused that accident. So yeah, something for me to think about. But I really find that event exciting.

Side note : For me what does Nirvana mean? From what I’ve read and learned, its like reaching a happy place, or Heiros Gamos wherein one engages in sexual intercourse and reach orgasm and have some sort of divine intervention or divine connection to the deities or divine or enlightenment of some sort. Its the Mount Olympus for the Greeks, Asgard for the Norse and so on and so forth. And if I remember it correctly, Nirvana has something to do with reincarnation and Buddhism? Maybe I’m wrong. Well, I’m getting off topic. I sometimes do that when I want to say or write things on the spot and sometimes its not really that accurate lol.

Cheers to Mortality.

I think this is called Resolve.

I’m a green-eyed monster. Never satisfied of my capabilities, my physical features and my intellectual abilities. I guess that’s the toll of being hurt physically, emotionally and other words ending in -ally. But despite of everything, I still try to move forward, even though at the back of my head someone is whispering I can’t do this or accomplish that, I still managed to do something good out of the bad thing. I am somewhat thankful to all the people I’ve met because it made me resilient and tough.. well not that tough. I can now laugh at stuff that I usually take seriously before. I think that was one improvement that I’m now proud of. 

I had a dream a while ago and after contemplating about it, I’ve come up with this post. I saved it in my mobile phone because I’m too lazy to open my pc and besides I wanted to write something at that moment because my emotions were still fresh and I went somewhere. 

My dream made me realize that I don’t wanna be alone. I am really afraid of losing people that I consider dear to me. And I want to have a family as well. I wanna take care of my wife and my twins or children. I wanna give them everything I’ve never experienced. I will never make them feel sad or lonely like the things that I usually feel. I’ll attend every recital, contests and everything that will make my family happy. I will always surprise my wife and everything will always be like the first time that we’ve met. I haven’t found her yet right now but I know in the near future, I’ll bump into you… then we’ll click. Yes its quite dreamy but I know I’ll get there.

In order for me to achieve everything, I must move forward. I must not wallow in the past or care too much because I think that will be my demise. I’ll make this year different after all its my zodiac year, Water Snake. I know I’ll be lazy after publishing this post but I’ll do my best to fulfill everything that I want. 

This year’s theme will be Change lol.. either for the best or the worst.. its all up to me. 

And I’m feeling lazy now. lol